Approaching this internship, you could model my emotional state as a Gaussian mixture, with two main modes being excited and scared. In many ways, this internship has been less “new” than others - familiar location, familiar company, familiar church - but also full of much uncertainty and feelings of inadequacy.
But this term has been so much more than anything I’d hoped or imagined. God has wrought so much growth and redemption in so many areas.
Relationships. So many relationships for which I am so exceedingly thankful and have been a channel of so much blessing and growth. Beginning to walk in the church covenant has been amazing–growing in serving, relating with, and encouraging other members of the body is a great blessing and joy. At work, I was lucky to have a mentor and manager who cared so much, and coworkers who were so willing to provide guidance and opportunities. I loved our home with amazing roommates and walls full of many [odd] books and rooster paintings. I wish we had more opportunities to spend time together–often I’d bump into one of my roommates and say “woah I haven’t seen you in a week”. I’m also so thankful for the loving authorities and friends God has placed in my life–parents, pastors, counsellors. Their love and wisdom is so precious. And in all, God is so good.
Evaluation. My main internship project was to train a neural network for joint embeddings to enable similarity expansions. This is an area in which I had no prior practical experience. Even so, I was so blessed to have brilliant coworkers who advised. One of the primary lessons I learned through this project is the importance of evaluation. A recurring theme throughout the project was that of curating evaluation sets. The measurement of progress in different segments and areas is crucial to understanding how things are affected by each tweak, and how different models compare.
Decision making under uncertainty. I remember in the first month, both my mentor and a friend asked me how well I did in facing uncertainty. My answer was “not too well”. In the last month of my internship, the topic of “what’s next” came up more and more frequently. My de facto response was school, co-op, school, graduate. Friends asked me why I wanted to do another internship, and whether I could graduate earlier. My immediate reaction was “maybe, but no way”. Decisions following graduation seemed too scary, and I didn’t want to decide. At that time, a friend shared a timely article that said: “God doesn’t always make his will clear because he values our being transformed more than our being informed.” A very good reminder that we are not given all we think we need to know. Rather, what we’re given is to be faithful and to serve where we are, and to follow after the Lord.
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
Psalms 119:105, KJV
A man’s heart deviseth his way: but the Lord directeth his steps.
Proverbs 16:9, KJV
And so, after seeking more counsel, I decided to graduate this coming August. My “3B co-op” became my last internship over a fortnight. There’s many decisions forthcoming, but in all things, He is faithful to accomplish His good counsel!
I’m looking forward to this last term at school–classes are exciting, and there’s much to do and to grow in!
Some hymns that have spoken really well in the past while.
I Asked the Lord
I asked the Lord that I might grow
In faith and love and ev’ry grace,
Might more of His salvation know,
And seek more earnestly His face.
‘Twas He who taught me thus to pray,
And He, I trust, has answered prayer,
But it has been in such a way
As almost drove me to despair.
These inward trials I employ
From self and pride to set thee free
And break thy schemes of earthly joy
That thou mayest seek thy all in me,
That thou mayest seek thy all in me.
My Heart is Filled with Thankfulness
My heart is filled with thankfulness
To him who reigns above,
Whose wisdom is my perfect peace,
Whose ev’ry thought is love.
For ev’ry day I have on earth
Is given by the King;
So I will give my life, my all,
To love and follow him.
How Firm a Foundation
How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,
is laid for your faith in His excellent Word!
What more can He say than to you He hath said,
who unto the Savior for refuge have fled?
Fear not, I am with thee; O be not dismayed,
for I am thy God and will still give thee aid. I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
upheld by My righteous, omnipotent hand.
When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
the rivers of sorrow shall not overflow;
for I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless,
and sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.
When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all-sufficient, shall be thy supply.
The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
thy dross to consume, and thy gold to refine.
The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose
I will not, I will not desert to his foes;
that soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I’ll never, no never, no never forsake!
‘Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus
‘Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to take Him at His Word;
Just to rest upon His promise,
And to know, “Thus saith the Lord!”
Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er;
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
Oh, for grace to trust Him more!